econs topic test's draining my brain juices out...

this friday accounts.

next wednesday applics.

since 99% of us got wrong for the last question in the previous applics test, teacher has decided to cancel that question....whee!!!....saved me a lot!! coz i only got 1 out of 10 for that question haha... actually pulled my marks up from 50+ to 70+ muahahahaha...

hmm...i need some sleep now.

i'm not moody k lol...juz tired.

^^

I'M SO DARN HAPPY NOW=P

FINALLY.........................

WORDS CAN'T EXPRESS HOW I'M FEELING NOW.........................

oh well...time to sleep........

i hope i could sleep.......

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~~

kakakakakakaka

firstly, a big THANK YOU to all who've consoled and comforted me in one way or another...no worries...i'm quite okay now...juz a lil emo few days ago...but no worries it didn't last long...so i'm fine....yah...fine fine...yah fine lah!....fine fine fine....=p

passed driving!!!!! well should have passed lar...coz it's juz retaking the slope+parking+3 point turn part... but it was a nightmare man... mom told me to call my driving instructor for some driving lessons but i kept giving reasons that i don't have the time...and mom was right... i nearly forgotten how to drive! firstly was the slope...went quite smoothly up... then when i wanted to pull down the hand brake...damn it the car's not moving! instead it went 2cm...yah yah just 2 cm back...phew..luckily i managed to brake the car or else gone case edi... then turned to the parking lot... and shit my car wasn't even straight!...kept reversing and accelerating non stop to make it straighter...or else i'm bound to fail again if i start making mistakes at the first step...then the lady examiner was lyk...'eh ah moi sudah dua minit lah!! cepat sikit!!'....yeala yeala don't give me pressure can or not=.=...don bother what she said and kept taking my own sweet time to park carefully...and wakakkakaka...sudah passed!!i want a car now!!!!!but i don't think i'd dare to drive yet...because seriously...my skills ain't good at all.....oh btw...amanda, no worries...you'll sure do well next week! good luck!!

juz got back my applics test paper yesterday...it's funny that i know how to do all the questions after the test rather than before or during...so my marks are...pathetic. but the main cause was my carelessness. it was supposed to be 'dilation of factor 3...' but instead i wrote 3 units...one mark gone!...then i didn't know that we're supposed to draw the graph on the question paper(because the question didn't mention that we have to) so i juz plotted the graph on my graphic calculator...and 3 marks gone!!... i know it doesn't sound lyk many marks has gone but the whole paper is only worth 32 marks...so if u convert to 100% then u'll see the great great difference....sighhhh...

having accounts test next friday...nervous lyk shit...i know the problem... i never really do the hw's and i didn't practise the past year questions at all, tho teacher mentioned she'll take the questions from there...=.="... econs topic test next tuesday...wheeeee....didn't study as well.... and another applics test in two weeks time...die lah die lah....well i sort of started studying a bit recently but it's juz not enough to score during exams... so i'll juz have to put much much much more effort into it....so yeah...all the best to me!!

hope this is a more cheerful post lol... i think it is.. because year 2008 is definitely a much more boring year so far...so it's really hard to gist out some exciting moments in my life...

another another another update=p

p.s. ying hui...don't read this...coz it's not a cheerful post=p

*****

misson accomplished.

it was indeed a boring and peaceful week. but heartbreaking.

the serious problem resurfaced. after hearing the news, i, lyk what usually happened last year...felt a sudden intense chest pain...muscles went numb...stomach having butterflies...migraine...which leads to mental suffering....and too bad i got the news just before econs class...so practically the whole 2 hours lesson of mine was spent stoning, clenching fists, pressing on my stomach etc.etc....and i got emo for the rest of the day...

i know it's stupid. no one keeps their promises...many pp ffk me...should have gotten used to it...i'm always feeling guilty towards my friends...because no matter how much they've advised and scolded me, i'm juz not changing...i am still who i am...and it's definitely not a good sign...

i always wonder whether i'm having some form of depression...esp after witnessing my mom and aunties suffering from depression few years ago...maybe it has been passed down to me? just lyk my asthma when it started from my grandma to my dad, then to me and my sis...i thought i was juz being less confident and timid....but sometimes i just can't help getting moody and down over small matters for quite a long time...even leading to minor insomnia...

i know i shouldn't be having such problems since i've wanted to be a psychologist. it's a big no for psychologists to get emo themselves...i'll be getting all my patients emo-er!! but i don't seem to have other options... tot of accounting stuffs but it seems boring to me now(no offense to accountants-to-be)....acturial science seems too tedious for me...business? gah i hate dealing with money...of course art stuffs would be the bottom in my list...

maybe some of you would advise me to turn back to music. yes it has been my passion...but it's not now i can tell you...maybe i'll regret later....but i'm pretty sure now that i enjoy listening to music much more than playing it...let alone composing it...i know my name itself has a musical background to it..(both Melody and 旋韵)...lyk i must be a musician with that name!!...my parents were having high hopes on me too...babbling everyday that i should be performing with the piano, in the hope of getting me up on stage to be a reputable musician...luckily they're more considerate now when they're beginning to accept that i'm quite interested in being a psychologist....

don't feel lyk crapping already=p. an abrupt ending i know.

another another update

nervousness often leads to failure.

so true. how many times have i been facing such experiences....and yet i never learnt. still as timid, unconfident, cautious...and everything that's similar to it.

it all started from my grade 8 piano exam at 2004. before that everything seemed smooth-sailing for me. it all starts with the letter P(Pass) and it's never a F(Fail).

then it goes on to more failures on piano exams. failure on spm results. failure on driving(juz a bit lah i know) etc.etc.

i always blame the faults on my personality. as in being timid and unconfident has been in my blood. but it's wrong obviously. what we think changes what we are. success comes from passion, determination and confidence.

but it's always easy to say. hard to do.

i still have a lot to learn...

another update

next week...u're coming???

maybe yes maybe no. i hope it's a no.

it's about 4 months and 23 days already. i know it has been hard. but i'm doing my best. to forget is to let it go. and seriously, i'm trying really hard to let go. but to let go is to not trying to let it go. but to just let it go. oh shut up! i did put an effort to it la so as to say...

but i still can't take the risk. what if........what if....gah so many what if's... i know i'm thinking a lot...but we always can't control what we think rite...

juz hope that everything'll be fine next week...nowadays i've been hoping for exciting moments..but for next week...pls be as dull and boring as possible...pleaseee...

p.s. hope this monday'll be a good day!

p.p.s. it's juz a crap piece of writing. don't put too much effort to figure out what i was trying to say...let it go^^

an update

okay since u guys desperate for updates...

i didn't disappear khay...(amanda u're the one disappearing from malaysia=p)

i juz find more enjoyment reading other pp's blog rather than composing my own stuffs which i'm not really good at it...

so the update is: i had my driving exam today.

bear in mind that i'm a good citizen*ahem*. so i didn't bribe. and i got 17 upon 20 for the on the road test. i actually tot i was going to fail after witnessing my lousier-than-normal driving skills. thank god i've got a lenient examiner.

next was slope. i tot i would fail that too bcoz the day before i kept sei fo at the slope. luckily i passed that.

now confidence starts rolling in. left with parking and three-point turn. which is my pro-est part(compared to other sections la). and guess what...

I KNOCKED ON THE TIANG.(aka pole or stick or wtvr u name it)

I NEVER KNOCKED ON THE TIANG BEFORE U KNOW. why...why... do i knock on this very 'auspicious' day???

no comments. retake lo...what to do....

another RM150 for retaking. and i saved RM200 for not bribing. which means save RM50. not bad wei...=.="

so it's hi amanda. i'm gonna join u next friday. aren't u so so very happy.....^^"