black Monday.

*NOTE: author's negative energy on the rise. so you shouldnt be reading this, seriously.

Dear diary,

Yesterday(it's past 12am) was quite a bad day.

Firstly I was feeling the urgency to complete my group project but my brain wasnt spinning efficiently.

Secondly I was dejected when I got 18.5/25 for my commemorative speech. (keeps reminding myself: Shien Yin, complaining doesnt really solve the problem) but it rather amused me that for the 'main ideas easily followed' criteria, I scored an average because my speech was usually very structured and comprehensive. and shockingly for the 'physical actions effectively used' criteria I scored an EXCELLENT when i practically stood there doing nothing throughout the speech. hmm...... speech finals this wednesday and I really dunno what to improve on to win the lecturer's heart. it's true that sometimes life's unfair, and so I'll just accept it and do my best, because *self hypnotizing* marks doesnt really count rite? worst case scenario is just you couldnt get to the UK uni's that you wanted so badly because u fail to get an A for public speaking. SO WHAT?!

But oh dear diary, the day didn't end like that!! it's about the physically disabled girl, again. I know many of my friends have been through this a lot more than me, but taking care of the disabled girl for a mere few hours was getting into my nerves already.
Moral textbooks have been teaching us to be kind and helpful to the disabled, but they never taught us how to handle disabled people who are DOUBLE-FACED. Isn't it nerve-wrecking when every 10 seconds, she'll get into fits of pain and she'll start sliding off from the wheel chair and for 4 hours continuously, this guy in my group had to pull her back up and my friend and i had to shift her legs back to her normal position. and she'd just scream in the library asking for help without telling us how to help her. and seriously, if her condition was THAT serious, I wouldn't complain a single effing thing and just help her unconditionally.
BUT SHE'S NOT LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. she could be so serious in front of us, but when meeting some other people and during class, she was actually quite normal. girl, what are you trying to do man??

many other things happened during that four hours, which were so sickening that I dont even bother to elaborate here, until I sorta insulted her PUBLICLY. my friend and I were going to have class soon, so we actually took half an hour to sought for the next 'victim' that could help her out. and fortunately a female student approached her and offered to help. so we told her to keep an eye on her and pull her back up whenever she slides off the wheelchair. and in the end...

Me: (talking to the female student) Good luck. (in taking care of her)--i didnt say this out
Disabled girl: (offended) Are you saying good luck to her? Because of me?!
Me: Was I even talking about you? Don't think too much okay.
Disabled girl: (silence)

and then I walked off. and I'm NOT feeling sorry about that.
someone who happens to have such experiences/encounters, please do enlighten me on this issue.
of course if u've managed to read till this far haha.

i'm sorry dear diary for relasing my negative energy once again.

love (with much anger but am calming down now),
melodyorange