appreciation.

note: boring post. seriously.

i wandered in the library aimlessly searching for a comp to do my assignment when one of my tutees who's a Korean mum approached me for Stats homework.
so i thought her the basic stuffs and i was utterly shocked that ms W already taught them ANOVA which is supposed to be taught end of the semester. no wonder they couldnt understand what she said. and i felt my burden as a tutor increasing because i'm doubting my ability to prepare them for ms W's lectures.
and the conversation became more informal when i suggested she should teach me Korean language in return and we began talking about Boys Over Flower and Beethoven Virus=) and she also shared with me her hardships she's undergoing as a mother and as a student. i really pity her because she has so many responsibilities in hand and she's always burning the midnight oil to attempt to digest what ms W said in class. and she's not complaining a single bit. which makes me wonder why am i complaining because of *toot toot toot*. (dont ask, people who know, they know)
although i'm only approaching 20 and i shouldnt be comparing with the Korean tutee, but i should start to learn how to bear more responsibilities in the CORRECT manner. "compassion should come with wisdom", as what dad said, but i'm totally not living up to that.
i've learnt in psychology that people who're in the situation (in this case me) tend to make situational attributions by blaming external factors when things are not going the way we want. and i totally agree with that. i know the external factors that i'm having now totally suck....sucks BIG TIME....but i should learn to overcome all these and acquire wisdom from this matter but seriously i dunno what to do.
at times i thought of neglecting all my obligations and responsibilities since it really doesnt matter to me at this point of time (again, those who know, they know). but i'm fully aware that this is just a sign of avoidance, and it's not going to do me any good. the perfectionist self is bugging me to give it all even though i'm not responsible for its consequences at this point of time. i feel stupid.
nevertheless, i'm glad that there're people out there who sincerely care for me and are really concerned whether i'm still breathing normally or not. and even though i'm not being normal i'll still tell them i'm normal because i duwan them to worry for me. (the word breathing is just an analogy) and seriously, i thank you all for that because you guys are seriously awesome but i'm also really sorry that i've been complaining a hell lot these days. and i'm having a bad feeling that i'll break down again next month. as for those *toooooooooot* i dunno what to say but erm, thanks for letting me know that i've been stupid all these while? as people always say, enemy makes us grow up. so i should really bow down to you guys that i'm really experiencing some tough mental grow up?
i feel so much better after typing all these. i'm still surviving. even if i'm not, i'll live up to it.
hwaiting!!