hush hush update

very busyyyy!!!
college's becoming my second home...not that it's damn nice until u couldn't resist being in there...but u know...extra classes...practices on the play for my english assignment...etc. etc.

no. of hours i stayed in college for the past five days:
monday-8am to 1.30pm...6 1/2 hours...not too bad
tuesday-8am to 5.30pm...9 1/2 hours...took the bus home due to chem extra class..homeworked in library for an hour wif su-jin
wednesday-8am to 5.30pm...9 1/2 hours again...this time due to english extra class...homeworked for 2 hours wif su-jin as well...
thursday-8am to 6.30pm...10 1/2 hours...due to weekly echo meeting as usual...homeworked again lyk crazy...'arguing' wif su-jin on the solubility of CaO and the acid-base reactions lol...honestly she's one of the only few hard-core studying partner i've found so far in ausmat...coz no offense..but ausmat-ians seldom study in college...well some good ones they might be studying at home la coz they kept getting good results... but i daresay abt 80% of them kept giggling(i find that annoying) and gossiping and hanging out at pyramid lyk 24/7 and not bothering to study at alll and some 20 over year old students kept retaking several pre-u courses not even going into degree yet which i donno why maybe because they're so freaking rich...i don't mean to say that giggling and gossiping's a no...of course it's something which i don't do for hours and hours because i'm not a typical girl but i'm not that tom-boyish oso...juz 'cool' and fierce or wtvr u name it... but i think since u're going on 18 sometimes u could be a lil more serious as in learning to take more charge of your life and making it a more meaningful one...blah blah blah
friday-8am to 4.30pm...8 1/2 hours...due to play practising...the script's okay...i juz really do hope everyone including me could actually act it out and not juz reading the lines and being emotionless...
next week'll be worst...coz our group might be practising the play lyk everday until 6 pm=.=".... exam in one month time but i didn't bother to study econs because it doesn't involve calculations lyk math and chem and acct....life is still not that interesting yet...i know i can't be thinking lyk that because it's so much better than last year's life...anyway i'm learning to appreciate it...i have to...i want my life to be as smooth-sailing as possible...wrong concept again i know...

p.s. might be blogging in chinese next time...for fun and bcoz i find my chinese slacking so i think i need to sort of practise on it a bit??....

still searching.

random

applics test was lyk omg...i worked my ass out of it and what it came out was 1.calculate range. 2. calculate standard deviation 3. calculate interquartile range....that kind of question lah...ms santhi that's so not you!! i mean...u used to scare us with those freaking hard questions and now u're being so lenient... anyway i juz hope i didn't make careless mistakes and may the 100 that king blessed me with lol... will come true~~

finally started working a bit on accounts...thank god got 93 for topic test.. but 83 for open book test wth...okay i shall allocate more time to do past year questions and all...

blah blah blah....so bored. life has been empty. meaningless. 17 going on 18. i should be shopping a lot and hanging out a lot and go clubbing and *toot* *toot* *toot* etc. etc. instead i'm getting more nerdy than last year. i seldom go out. only hang out in shopping malls when my friends asked me out. keep gluing my eyes onto the computer screen lyk now blogging, you-tubing...not even gaming. been getting more and more introvert. confidence, discipline and responsibility's vanishing from me. getting blur, less alert. lack of exercise. lack of entertainment. lack of charisma. lack of personality. donno why.

p.s. I'M NOT EMO. YES I'M NOT. SERIOUSLY NOT=P

Happy Wesak!!!

ntg much abt it...juz attended wesak float possession organized by BUBS last week...it seemed near but we actually spent 2 and a half hours walking and practically running!!!...luckily i was kinda fit that day so i didn't complain as much as my parents and sister did...it's the first time that BUBS had their float possession and although there were some disturbances( well which doesn't??)....it was a successful event...good job pp!!

wesak charity food fair yesterday....woke up at 7 30am on a public holiday!! gosh...so not me... anyway we were in charged to sell 'lui char' cooked by my dad's friend...for those who don't know what 'lui char' is...it's basically some Hakka delicacy where u mix 7 types of vege together with peanuts and rice and eat them together with grinded vege soup...so yea...all vege...at first it tasted ewww to me but now i'm getting used to the taste...but oh well...didn't get great response from the public as expected...donno why...since previous years...the stall that i jaga-ed...from rojak to popiah and now to 'vege-thingy'...not many pp are willing to buy them coz it doesn't really taste good...unlike other stalls lyk char kuey teow where pp are waiting so eagerly!!.. sigh...we all fated to sell poor quality food edi...but anyhow...good experience though...at least i got to stand and walk and run around and all...

not a very complete update but i've got to sign off now as applics test is tomorrow...(!@#@!$&)@#%)*#&)%.....okay i've got to score in this paper!!!!!!! so it's time to do my last revision and may i be blessed with 100, 100 and 100...=p

人质

我和你啊存在一种危险关系
彼此挟持这另一部分的自己
本以为这完整了爱的定义
那就乖乖的守护着你
相爱变成猜忌怀疑的烂游戏
规则是要憋着呼吸越靠越近
但你的温柔是我唯一沉溺
你是爱我的就不怕有缝隙
在我心上用力的开一枪
让一切归零在这声巨响
如果爱是说什么都不能放
我不挣扎反正我也没差
人质在这一刻得到释放
相爱的纯粹落得如此下场
你满意吗我们都别说谎


currently addicted to this song...really nicee...
orignial singer's a-mei...a very good singer...but i think aska and jam's version of this song's much better...

Tagged by Amanda Leong Lai Yee=p

Rules:

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.

Starting time: 1329
Name: Melody
Sisters: 1
Brothers:-
Shoe size: 5 at most><>Swam in the ocean: only in the swimming pool
Fallen asleep in school: yes.
Broken someone's heart: don't ask me. ask that someone.
Fell off your chair: erm...can't remember??
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: not all night lah.
Saved e-mails: non junks wan then yes la.
What is your room like: super neat and tidy^^. because it's only for sleeping purposes.
What's right beside you: a girl i donno who. (in college comp lab now, so yeah...)
What is the last thing you ate: Bread and butter and blackcurrant jam.
Ever had chicken pox: nope.
Sore throat: durh.
Stitches: nope.
Broken nose: nope.
Do you believe in love at first sight: nope.
Like picnics: never really had a picnic b4.
Who was the last person you danced with: i don't rmb myself dancing...
Last made you smile: some cantonese series 8pm on astro wah lai toi. man it's so funny!!!
You last yelled at: my sis i think.
Today did you:
Talk to someone you like: nope.
Kissed anyone: nope.
Get sick: choi choi choi
Talked to an ex: no ex-es
Miss someone: uh-huh.
Eat: yesh.
Best feeling in the world: er...pure peaceful happy feelings...hmm..
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: nope.
What's under your bed: floor, wood and air.
Who do you really hate: pp who break most of their promises.

What time is it now: 1459(coz i continue this thing an hour later...)
Randoms :
Q:Is there a person who is on your mind right now: uh-huh.
Q: Do you have any siblings: Yes
Q: Do you want children: yes...aiming for 3 LOL
Q: Do you smile often: not really...
Q: Do you like your hand-writing: quite.
Q: Are your toenails painted: not now.
Q: Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in: my parents' bed. hehe.
Q: What colour shirt are you wearing: pink.
Q: What were you doing at 7:00pm yesterday: watching tv.
Q: I can't wait till: erm...tonight. gua.
Q: When did you cry last: months ago.
Q: Are you a friendly person: not in the eyes of many pp...hmm...
Q: Do you have any pets: i wish to have one!!

Where is the person you have feelings for right now? -college...home...??
Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now? - er...who arr??
Do you sleep with the TV on? - yes. my sis will switch it off for me.
What are you doing right now? - Breathing, staring, yawning....
Have you ever crawled through a window? - why should i?
Can you handle the truth? - sometimes.
Are you too forgiving? - i think so. i don't take revenge.
Are you closer to your mother or father? - last time dad now mom. coz dad always come back late*sobs*

Who was the last person you cried in front of? - dad i think...
How many people can you say you've really loved? - i love everyone i know=p
Do you eat healthy? - yes...except supper and tea time.
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex? - har what ex do u mean*winks*
Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you? - don't think so...
How often do you go to church? - i went once during my cousin's wedding.
Ifyou're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to? - trustworthy and understanding friends.
Are you loud or quiet most of the time? - quiet.
Are you confident? - most of the time it's a no.

5 things I was doing 10 years ago..(1998)
1-doing homework like mad as if homework's my life.
2-talking softer than an ant.
3-eating non stop.
4-sleeping non stop.
5-watching tv non stop.

5 things on my to-do list today
The day is almost over so:
1- blog and check on blogs!
2- sms or call to confirm on tonight's event.
3- watch american idol result show.
4- play my baby grand(piano).
5- SLEEP!!!

5 snacks I enjoy(my answer's same as amanda coz i don't eat other snacks besides chocolates=p)
1-Chocolate
2-Chocolate
3-Chocolate
4-Chocolate
5-Chocolate

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire
1- save half of it in maybank(i very kedekut de...)
2- buy more clothes.
3- build an AV room all for myself=p....plus buying all musical instruments i see in the shop.
4- establish a psychology clinic that kind of thing...
5- charity...for the retarded and the old and the poor. i'm serious. oh...for environment too.

5 of my bad habits
1-sleep too much.
2-day dream too much.
3-not exercising enough.
4-not dispiclined and responsible and confident enough.
5-being over cool??

5 places I have lived in
1-My house
2-friend's house
3-auntie's house
4- places that i stayed during camps
5-hotels and apartments that i've been to

5 jobs I've had
pathetically...none.

5 people I tag
erm....no one...u guys should be studyin!!=p

END TIME: 1518

econs topic test's draining my brain juices out...

this friday accounts.

next wednesday applics.

since 99% of us got wrong for the last question in the previous applics test, teacher has decided to cancel that question....whee!!!....saved me a lot!! coz i only got 1 out of 10 for that question haha... actually pulled my marks up from 50+ to 70+ muahahahaha...

hmm...i need some sleep now.

i'm not moody k lol...juz tired.

^^

I'M SO DARN HAPPY NOW=P

FINALLY.........................

WORDS CAN'T EXPRESS HOW I'M FEELING NOW.........................

oh well...time to sleep........

i hope i could sleep.......

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~~

kakakakakakaka

firstly, a big THANK YOU to all who've consoled and comforted me in one way or another...no worries...i'm quite okay now...juz a lil emo few days ago...but no worries it didn't last long...so i'm fine....yah...fine fine...yah fine lah!....fine fine fine....=p

passed driving!!!!! well should have passed lar...coz it's juz retaking the slope+parking+3 point turn part... but it was a nightmare man... mom told me to call my driving instructor for some driving lessons but i kept giving reasons that i don't have the time...and mom was right... i nearly forgotten how to drive! firstly was the slope...went quite smoothly up... then when i wanted to pull down the hand brake...damn it the car's not moving! instead it went 2cm...yah yah just 2 cm back...phew..luckily i managed to brake the car or else gone case edi... then turned to the parking lot... and shit my car wasn't even straight!...kept reversing and accelerating non stop to make it straighter...or else i'm bound to fail again if i start making mistakes at the first step...then the lady examiner was lyk...'eh ah moi sudah dua minit lah!! cepat sikit!!'....yeala yeala don't give me pressure can or not=.=...don bother what she said and kept taking my own sweet time to park carefully...and wakakkakaka...sudah passed!!i want a car now!!!!!but i don't think i'd dare to drive yet...because seriously...my skills ain't good at all.....oh btw...amanda, no worries...you'll sure do well next week! good luck!!

juz got back my applics test paper yesterday...it's funny that i know how to do all the questions after the test rather than before or during...so my marks are...pathetic. but the main cause was my carelessness. it was supposed to be 'dilation of factor 3...' but instead i wrote 3 units...one mark gone!...then i didn't know that we're supposed to draw the graph on the question paper(because the question didn't mention that we have to) so i juz plotted the graph on my graphic calculator...and 3 marks gone!!... i know it doesn't sound lyk many marks has gone but the whole paper is only worth 32 marks...so if u convert to 100% then u'll see the great great difference....sighhhh...

having accounts test next friday...nervous lyk shit...i know the problem... i never really do the hw's and i didn't practise the past year questions at all, tho teacher mentioned she'll take the questions from there...=.="... econs topic test next tuesday...wheeeee....didn't study as well.... and another applics test in two weeks time...die lah die lah....well i sort of started studying a bit recently but it's juz not enough to score during exams... so i'll juz have to put much much much more effort into it....so yeah...all the best to me!!

hope this is a more cheerful post lol... i think it is.. because year 2008 is definitely a much more boring year so far...so it's really hard to gist out some exciting moments in my life...

another another another update=p

p.s. ying hui...don't read this...coz it's not a cheerful post=p

*****

misson accomplished.

it was indeed a boring and peaceful week. but heartbreaking.

the serious problem resurfaced. after hearing the news, i, lyk what usually happened last year...felt a sudden intense chest pain...muscles went numb...stomach having butterflies...migraine...which leads to mental suffering....and too bad i got the news just before econs class...so practically the whole 2 hours lesson of mine was spent stoning, clenching fists, pressing on my stomach etc.etc....and i got emo for the rest of the day...

i know it's stupid. no one keeps their promises...many pp ffk me...should have gotten used to it...i'm always feeling guilty towards my friends...because no matter how much they've advised and scolded me, i'm juz not changing...i am still who i am...and it's definitely not a good sign...

i always wonder whether i'm having some form of depression...esp after witnessing my mom and aunties suffering from depression few years ago...maybe it has been passed down to me? just lyk my asthma when it started from my grandma to my dad, then to me and my sis...i thought i was juz being less confident and timid....but sometimes i just can't help getting moody and down over small matters for quite a long time...even leading to minor insomnia...

i know i shouldn't be having such problems since i've wanted to be a psychologist. it's a big no for psychologists to get emo themselves...i'll be getting all my patients emo-er!! but i don't seem to have other options... tot of accounting stuffs but it seems boring to me now(no offense to accountants-to-be)....acturial science seems too tedious for me...business? gah i hate dealing with money...of course art stuffs would be the bottom in my list...

maybe some of you would advise me to turn back to music. yes it has been my passion...but it's not now i can tell you...maybe i'll regret later....but i'm pretty sure now that i enjoy listening to music much more than playing it...let alone composing it...i know my name itself has a musical background to it..(both Melody and 旋韵)...lyk i must be a musician with that name!!...my parents were having high hopes on me too...babbling everyday that i should be performing with the piano, in the hope of getting me up on stage to be a reputable musician...luckily they're more considerate now when they're beginning to accept that i'm quite interested in being a psychologist....

don't feel lyk crapping already=p. an abrupt ending i know.

another another update

nervousness often leads to failure.

so true. how many times have i been facing such experiences....and yet i never learnt. still as timid, unconfident, cautious...and everything that's similar to it.

it all started from my grade 8 piano exam at 2004. before that everything seemed smooth-sailing for me. it all starts with the letter P(Pass) and it's never a F(Fail).

then it goes on to more failures on piano exams. failure on spm results. failure on driving(juz a bit lah i know) etc.etc.

i always blame the faults on my personality. as in being timid and unconfident has been in my blood. but it's wrong obviously. what we think changes what we are. success comes from passion, determination and confidence.

but it's always easy to say. hard to do.

i still have a lot to learn...

another update

next week...u're coming???

maybe yes maybe no. i hope it's a no.

it's about 4 months and 23 days already. i know it has been hard. but i'm doing my best. to forget is to let it go. and seriously, i'm trying really hard to let go. but to let go is to not trying to let it go. but to just let it go. oh shut up! i did put an effort to it la so as to say...

but i still can't take the risk. what if........what if....gah so many what if's... i know i'm thinking a lot...but we always can't control what we think rite...

juz hope that everything'll be fine next week...nowadays i've been hoping for exciting moments..but for next week...pls be as dull and boring as possible...pleaseee...

p.s. hope this monday'll be a good day!

p.p.s. it's juz a crap piece of writing. don't put too much effort to figure out what i was trying to say...let it go^^

an update

okay since u guys desperate for updates...

i didn't disappear khay...(amanda u're the one disappearing from malaysia=p)

i juz find more enjoyment reading other pp's blog rather than composing my own stuffs which i'm not really good at it...

so the update is: i had my driving exam today.

bear in mind that i'm a good citizen*ahem*. so i didn't bribe. and i got 17 upon 20 for the on the road test. i actually tot i was going to fail after witnessing my lousier-than-normal driving skills. thank god i've got a lenient examiner.

next was slope. i tot i would fail that too bcoz the day before i kept sei fo at the slope. luckily i passed that.

now confidence starts rolling in. left with parking and three-point turn. which is my pro-est part(compared to other sections la). and guess what...

I KNOCKED ON THE TIANG.(aka pole or stick or wtvr u name it)

I NEVER KNOCKED ON THE TIANG BEFORE U KNOW. why...why... do i knock on this very 'auspicious' day???

no comments. retake lo...what to do....

another RM150 for retaking. and i saved RM200 for not bribing. which means save RM50. not bad wei...=.="

so it's hi amanda. i'm gonna join u next friday. aren't u so so very happy.....^^"